TdlM / taskmaster

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id ▲ series episode task speaker roots quote studio
1 Series 1 1 Melon buffet. 1 The most unusual item 1 Romesh Ranganathan 6 shit I think we can all agree it's the shittest present in the history of humanity. ✓
2 Series 1 1 Melon buffet. 1 The most unusual item 1 Romesh Ranganathan 6 piss You know the granules? The snow density is piss-poor. ✓
3 Series 1 1 Melon buffet. 1 The most unusual item 1 Greg Davies 2 shit And the winner of this competition will have to take all of that shit home. ✓
4 Series 1 1 Melon buffet. 1 Eat as much watermelon as possible 2 Romesh Ranganathan 6 shit And then when I threw it I was like, "Holy shit, that has..." ✓
5 Series 1 1 Melon buffet. 1 Eat as much watermelon as possible 2 Greg Davies 2 shit I've got an image of you at an all-you-can-eat buffet just kicking the shit out of everything. ✓
6 Series 1 1 Melon buffet. 1 Eat as much watermelon as possible 2 Romesh Ranganathan 6 bitch Son of a bitch! ✓
7 Series 1 1 Melon buffet. 1 Paint a horse while riding a horse 3 Tim Key 7 shit Horseshit.
8 Series 1 1 Melon buffet. 1 Paint a horse while riding a horse 3 Romesh Ranganathan 6 shit What a pile of horse shit.
9 Series 1 1 Melon buffet. 1 Paint a horse while riding a horse 3 Tim Key 7 shit And I am absolutely dogshit at painting.
10 Series 1 1 Melon buffet. 1 Paint a horse while riding a horse 3 Greg Davies 2 shit The top three are absolutely shit. ✓
11 Series 1 1 Melon buffet. 1 Paint a horse while riding a horse 3 Tim Key 7 Christ Ow, Jesus Christ!
12 Series 1 1 Melon buffet. 1 Paint a horse while riding a horse 3 Josh Widdicombe 4 wank Stop being such a wanker. ✓
13 Series 1 1 Melon buffet. 1 Empty the bathtub 4 Josh Widdicombe 4 shit That's absolute bullshit.
14 Series 1 1 Melon buffet. 1 Find Alex 6 Greg Davies 2 hell Alex, what the hell are we gonna do about this? ✓
15 Series 1 1 Melon buffet. 1 Find Alex 6 Romesh Ranganathan 6 shit On the plus side, I don't have that dogshit snow globe any more. ✓
16 Series 1 1 The pie whisperer. 2 The most impressive item 7 Romesh Ranganathan 6 shit The category is not "shit that would be great at a party". ✓
17 Series 1 1 The pie whisperer. 2 The most impressive item 7 Romesh Ranganathan 6 piss Old pisshead here's just got a massive bottle of champagne. ✓
18 Series 1 1 The pie whisperer. 2 The most impressive item 7 Roisin Conaty 5 piss I'm not a pisshead! ✓
19 Series 1 1 The pie whisperer. 2 The most impressive item 7 Romesh Ranganathan 6 shit This is bullshit, man. ✓
20 Series 1 1 The pie whisperer. 2 High-five a 55-year-old 8 Roisin Conaty 5 shit Feels like being Bond, but sort of shittier.
21 Series 1 1 The pie whisperer. 2 High-five a 55-year-old 8 Greg Davies 2 Christ
shit
I mean, Jesus Christ, I thought you'd only stood catatonic with a shit sign for ten minutes. ✓
22 Series 1 1 The pie whisperer. 2 High-five a 55-year-old 8 Greg Davies 2 Christ Jesus Christ! ✓
23 Series 1 1 The pie whisperer. 2 Identify the contents of the pies 9 Greg Davies 2 Christ Oh, Jesus Christ. ✓
24 Series 1 1 The pie whisperer. 2 Identify the contents of the pies 9 Greg Davies 2 fuck It's not the fucking X-Files. ✓
25 Series 1 1 The pie whisperer. 2 Identify the contents of the pies 9 Romesh Ranganathan 6 hell I still can't‒what the hell is that?
26 Series 1 1 The pie whisperer. 2 Identify the contents of the pies 9 Greg Davies 2 fuck We've just seen a film of you breaching the fucking pie! ✓
27 Series 1 1 The pie whisperer. 2 Identify the contents of the pies 9 Romesh Ranganathan 6 shit 'Cause it ended up being dogshit! ✓
28 Series 1 1 The pie whisperer. 2 Identify the contents of the pies 9 Romesh Ranganathan 6 shit But you would've thought that dog shit was steak, to be fair. ✓
29 Series 1 1 The pie whisperer. 2 Identify the contents of the pies 9 Romesh Ranganathan 6 shit
shit
shit
This is bullshit, man. Utter bullshit. Utter bullshit. ✓
30 Series 1 1 The pie whisperer. 2 Do something that will look impressive in reverse 10 Frank Skinner 3 shit It was shit. ✓
31 Series 1 1 The pie whisperer. 2 Do something that will look impressive in reverse 10 Romesh Ranganathan 6 shit ♪ Tree Wizard, magical hands and‒holy shit, it's another balloon ♪
32 Series 1 1 The pie whisperer. 2 Unshackle yourself and sprint one metre 11 Josh Widdicombe 4 fuck Oh, fuck this. I'm just gambling. ✓
33 Series 1 1 The pie whisperer. 2 Unshackle yourself and sprint one metre 11 Josh Widdicombe 4 Christ Oh, for Christ's sake. ✓
34 Series 1 1 The poet and the egg. 3 The most meaningful item 12 Greg Davies 2 shit I like to give people a chance to justify their decisions, but I will say this: it's shit, go on. ✓
35 Series 1 1 The poet and the egg. 3 The most meaningful item 12 Greg Davies 2 shit Now I feel like a total shit. ✓
36 Series 1 1 The poet and the egg. 3 The most meaningful item 12 Greg Davies 2 fuck I went, "Good luck, everyone. Boop!" to Romesh and he went, "What the fuck was that?" ✓
37 Series 1 1 The poet and the egg. 3 The most meaningful item 12 Romesh Ranganathan 6 fuck But what the fuck was that, man? ✓
38 Series 1 1 The poet and the egg. 3 The most meaningful item 12 Greg Davies 2 fuck He won't speak to you 'cause you didn't read his fucking book. ✓
39 Series 1 1 The poet and the egg. 3 Throw a teabag into a mug 13 Romesh Ranganathan 6 fuck Fuck you!
40 Series 1 1 The poet and the egg. 3 Throw a teabag into a mug 13 Romesh Ranganathan 6 fuck Fuck you! Oh, my god!
41 Series 1 1 The poet and the egg. 3 Draw an image using a GPS device 14 Josh Widdicombe 4 fuck Come on, colour in, you fucker.
42 Series 1 1 The poet and the egg. 3 Draw an image using a GPS device 14 Greg Davies 2 hell He seemed to cover a hell of a distance, didn't he? ✓
43 Series 1 1 The poet and the egg. 3 Draw an image using a GPS device 14 Greg Davies 2 fuck It's a really good painting, but why on earth do I want a picture of you? It's absolutely fucking preposterous. ✓
44 Series 1 1 The poet and the egg. 3 Buy a gift for the Taskmaster 15 Tim Key 7 shit Yeah, sure. But I worry that usually if you go first, it's the shittest one. ✓
45 Series 1 1 The poet and the egg. 3 Buy a gift for the Taskmaster 15 Greg Davies 2 bastard And the main use of them, of course, is I'll be able to see if there's any of those bastard pregnant women behind me. ✓
46 Series 1 1 The poet and the egg. 3 Buy a gift for the Taskmaster 15 Greg Davies 2 fuck Is it real? Fuck me! ✓
47 Series 1 1 The poet and the egg. 3 Get an egg as high as possible 16 Romesh Ranganathan 6 fuck Fuck.
48 Series 1 1 The poet and the egg. 3 Get an egg as high as possible 16 Romesh Ranganathan 6 hell I don't know what the hell to do.
49 Series 1 1 The poet and the egg. 3 Get an egg as high as possible 16 Romesh Ranganathan 6 bollock Oh, bollocks.
50 Series 1 1 The poet and the egg. 3 Get an egg as high as possible 16 Tim Key 7 bollock
fuck
Bollocks. Crap. Fuck off.
51 Series 1 1 The poet and the egg. 3 Get an egg as high as possible 16 Romesh Ranganathan 6 piss Like, you're really pissing me off tonight, man. ✓
52 Series 1 1 The poet and the egg. 3 Get an egg as high as possible 16 Greg Davies 2 shit I'm amazed I give a shit. ✓
53 Series 1 1 The poet and the egg. 3 Stand up after 100 seconds 17 Romesh Ranganathan 6 fuck Fuck you. ✓
54 Series 1 1 Down an octave. 4 The most beautiful item 19 Greg Davies 2 tits Looks like a badger that's sniffing its tits, doesn't it? ✓
55 Series 1 1 Down an octave. 4 The most beautiful item 19 Romesh Ranganathan 6 shit Well, it doesn't have a happy ending unfortunately, 'cause he is a shithead now, but... ✓
56 Series 1 1 Down an octave. 4 The most beautiful item 19 Romesh Ranganathan 6 shit Are you shitting me right now? ✓
57 Series 1 1 Down an octave. 4 Count the baked beans 21 Tim Key 7 fuck Are you a fucking child? ✓
58 Series 1 1 Down an octave. 4 Count the baked beans 21 Greg Davies 2 fuck Sadly for you, I am a child who's in charge of this fucking show. ✓
59 Series 1 1 Down an octave. 4 Make a block of ice disappear 20 Romesh Ranganathan 6 shit Now I'm gonna try and smash the shit out the rest of it.
60 Series 1 1 Down an octave. 4 Count the baked beans 21 Romesh Ranganathan 6 damn I gotta be honest with you, I feel pretty damn good.
61 Series 1 1 Down an octave. 4 Count the baked beans 21 Tim Key 7 damn What I did was an inventive way of getting rid of this damn ice. ✓
62 Series 1 1 Down an octave. 4 Score 11 points 23 Romesh Ranganathan 6 hell What does that mean? What the hell does that mean?
63 Series 1 1 Down an octave. 4 Score 11 points 23 Tim Key 7 fuck Fucking hard to get a point.
64 Series 1 1 Down an octave. 4 Score 11 points 23 Tim Key 7 wank You wanker.
65 Series 1 1 Down an octave. 4 Score 11 points 23 Tim Key 7 wank Wanker.
66 Series 1 1 Down an octave. 4 Score 11 points 23 Tim Key 7 shit Shit in the bucket?
67 Series 1 1 Down an octave. 4 Score 11 points 23 Tim Key 7 fuck Touching our heads? Fucking idiot.
68 Series 1 1 Down an octave. 4 Score 11 points 23 Romesh Ranganathan 6 Christ Oh, for Christ's sake. It's doing my head in already, this.
69 Series 1 1 Down an octave. 4 Fill an eggcup with tears 24 Tim Key 7 shit I don't wanna sort of "spoiler alert" my VT, but I was shit at it. ✓
70 Series 1 1 Down an octave. 4 Fill an eggcup with tears 24 Josh Widdicombe 4 fuck I mean, there's fuck-all in there.
71 Series 1 1 Down an octave. 4 Fill an eggcup with tears 24 Romesh Ranganathan 6 shit Oh, shit!
72 Series 1 1 Down an octave. 4 Fill an eggcup with tears 24 Romesh Ranganathan 6 fuck Fuck!
73 Series 1 1 Down an octave. 4 Fill an eggcup with tears 24 Romesh Ranganathan 6 fuck Oh, fuck me!
74 Series 1 1 Down an octave. 4 Fill an eggcup with tears 24 Romesh Ranganathan 6 shit Oh, shit.
75 Series 1 1 Down an octave. 4 Fill an eggcup with tears 24 Romesh Ranganathan 6 shit Oh, shit.
76 Series 1 1 Down an octave. 4 Memorise an Australian Rules Football team 26 Josh Widdicombe 4 wank Yank Bank? Or... or Wank Plank. ✓
77 Series 1 1 Down an octave. 4 Memorise an Australian Rules Football team 26 Greg Davies 2 wank I don't think he'd respond to "the Wank Plank". ✓
78 Series 1 1 Little denim shorts. 5 The most valuable item 27 Greg Davies 2 hell £600 is a hell of a start though, isn't it? ✓
79 Series 1 1 Little denim shorts. 5 The most valuable item 27 Greg Davies 2 hell Nearly four grand. It's a hell of an opener. ✓
80 Series 1 1 Little denim shorts. 5 The most valuable item 27 Greg Davies 2 fuck Well, that's you well and truly fucked then, isn't it? ✓
81 Series 1 1 Little denim shorts. 5 The most valuable item 27 Romesh Ranganathan 6 bitch Well, deal with it, bitch! ✓
82 Series 1 1 Little denim shorts. 5 Move the boulder as far as possible 28 Romesh Ranganathan 6 shit When he turned up he said, "You'll never guess, some crazy shithead wanted me to go to Camber Sands." ✓
83 Series 1 1 Little denim shorts. 5 Move the boulder as far as possible 28 Romesh Ranganathan 6 prick Do you understand why I can't deal with Mo? Mo is a prick! ✓
84 Series 1 1 Little denim shorts. 5 Move the boulder as far as possible 28 Greg Davies 2 piss How long did you piss around with those balloons? ✓
85 Series 1 1 Little denim shorts. 5 Move the boulder as far as possible 28 Tim Key 7 piss Pissed around for about... half an hour, I think. ✓
86 Series 1 1 Little denim shorts. 5 Make a bed while holding hands 30 Josh Widdicombe 4 shit Oh, shit, watch out, watch out!
87 Series 1 1 Little denim shorts. 5 Make a bed while holding hands 30 Josh Widdicombe 4 fuck Come on, Rois, put some fuckin' effort in.
88 Series 1 1 Little denim shorts. 5 Make a Swedish person blush 31 Greg Davies 2 shit And a cheap, shit ring. ✓
89 Series 1 1 The last supper. 6 The most satisfying item 33 Greg Davies 2 shit Yes, please, Greg. That's why we came, to see you shit yourself. ✓
90 Series 1 1 The last supper. 6 The most satisfying item 33 Romesh Ranganathan 6 prick It's backfired, I look like a prick now. ✓
91 Series 1 1 The last supper. 6 Play mini golf with eggs 34 Romesh Ranganathan 6 shit Shit.
92 Series 1 1 The last supper. 6 Play mini golf with eggs 34 Romesh Ranganathan 6 shit
shit
Shit. Shit!
93 Series 1 1 The last supper. 6 Play mini golf with eggs 34 Roisin Conaty 5 shit I think you're all shit at golf. ✓
94 Series 1 1 The last supper. 6 Play mini golf with eggs 34 Greg Davies 2 shit It sounds like even professional golf players are shit at golf. ✓
95 Series 1 1 The last supper. 6 Stage a realistic home movie blooper 35 Roisin Conaty 5 ass/arse Hit his arse.
96 Series 1 1 The last supper. 6 Stage a realistic home movie blooper 35 Roisin Conaty 5 ass/arse Hit his arse!
97 Series 1 1 The last supper. 6 Stage a realistic home movie blooper 35 Romesh Ranganathan 6 shit "Oh, shit! Paddling pool, out of nowhere!" ✓
98 Series 1 1 The last supper. 6 Stage a realistic home movie blooper 35 Romesh Ranganathan 6 shit It is a lot shitter than I thought it was gonna look. ✓
99 Series 1 1 The last supper. 6 Stage a realistic home movie blooper 35 Romesh Ranganathan 6 shit And then I waited for the reveal and then there was none and then we had to defend that dogshit. ✓
100 Series 1 1 The last supper. 6 Make an alphabet meal 36 Roisin Conaty 5 shit Shit the bed!

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CREATE TABLE profanity (
   id      INTEGER PRIMARY KEY,
   series  INTEGER REFERENCES series(id),
   episode INTEGER REFERENCES episodes(id),
   task    INTEGER REFERENCES tasks(id),
   speaker INTEGER REFERENCES people(id),
   roots   TEXT,
   quote   TEXT,
   studio  INTEGER
);
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